by Ian Vorster (words and photography)
It pitched and it tossed. It yawed and it rolled. Sails cracked as the wind howled, and then snapped as it dropped. Between them, hanging in seeming disarray, ropes braided the air like smoke trails of passing cannon balls. In the background, clanging in the rough, and rung for undetermined reasons in the calm, the ship’s bell was noisy. Always. And I was constantly damp.
You Might have Guessed
As the lyrics of the shanty, Hoist Up the Thing by The Longest Johns played in my brain, the First Mate bellowed, “Welcome aboard.” Wanting to reply with a pirate-like growl, instead I nodded demurely whilst humming the lines: Batten down the whatsit! What’s that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Welcomed to what? It had been marketed as a passage from Ventura Harbor to Morro Bay Harbor over two days—likely, just long enough for you to learn that you know squat-all about tall ship sailing.
You will have to stoop wherever you go. You will crouch to get into your bunk and to get out of it. Expect to hunch over your bowl as you hurriedly eat so that it doesn’t get flung from your grip. Round your shoulders to wedge yourself into some little corner on time off, duck to clear the hatch at the top of the steps, bend with a sideways turn to get to the toilet, then twist to get in, and then turn before backing up. And don’t forget to keep an eye on your footing every time someone passes by, in case you collide.
The cabin you are allocated will host the entire working crew in 12 similar bunks. This ‘open plan’ design is linked to a tiny kitchen and the toilet opens onto your cozy abode. Is it necessary to mention that there is no air conditioning?
And while you all might speak American English, expect to hardly understand a spoken word. At least eighty percent of the language will need to be explained or interpreted.
A mess is where you eat, a galley where you cook. A head is where you relieve yourself and a berth is a bunk without a person to claim it. Schmutca are used to clean the scuppers. The shrouds cross the ratlines which together with the fore, main, mizzen and crosstrees form the superstructure. Throw in mainsl’ and gallant and you’re almost away… or should that be aloft?
You might have guessed—this is a classic tall sailing ship. The Lady Washington as she is known is a replica of a privateer that fought during the American Revolution to help the colonies gain their independence from England. In 1788 she became the first American vessel to round Cape Horn and visit the west coast of America, opening trade between the east coast and the native peoples of the west. Her cargo consisted mostly of Sea Otter pelts.
Today’s Lady Washington travels the west coast of America in a vastly improved tradition—she educates people regarding the history of trading and sailing. Crewed by both professionals and volunteers, more than 15 000 school children visit the ship each year. The occasional sucker pays for a few days of sailing, but to be honest, it comes highly recommended.
Be warned though, it is no ordinary cruise. Side trips, helicopter flips and spas are in short supply. And although dances there may be, the live entertainment could provide a little more than you bargained for.
Lady Love as she is affectionately called, is a Brig with a sparred length of 112 feet, a draft of 11 feet, a beam of 24 feet and a rig height of 89 feet. She can sail with a crew of between eight and twelve—and she’s all business. Well, except for the shanties.
Hoist Up the Thing
by The Longest Johns
Fresh out of college with grades straight from Hell
I browsed for a trade at which I could excel
An ad for a ship in need of some manning
Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain
What luck, says I, to find such good fortune
A few white lies later, I ran down the pier
Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two
Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What’s that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That’s not port?) Now I’ve got it!
Trust me, I’m in control!
I can’t sing the shanties, it has to be said
And all of that grog just goes right to my head
Whale meat is gross, and I miss a girl’s laugh
Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch!
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What’s that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That’s not port?) Now I’ve got it!
Trust me, I’m in control!
We’ve hit icy waters, no land to be seen
The food’s getting low, and the beer has gone green
There’s murmurs of discontent under the deck
If I don’t act fast, it could be my neck!
So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines
I see what it says, but no clue what it means!
Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains
Feign a bad back til’ we’ve landed again
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What’s that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That’s not port) Now I’ve got it!
Trust me, I’m in control!
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What’s that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That’s not port?) Now I’ve got it!
Trust me, I’m in control! Come on
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What’s that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That’s not port?) Now I’ve got it!
Trust me, I’m in control!
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What’s that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (This is jail?) Now I’ve got it!
Trust me, I’m in control! (ahh, help me!)
Trust me, I’m in control!
For All Pirates
Of interest to most little boys who board her is that she has starred in two blockbuster movies—an early Star Wars episode and as HMS Interceptor in the The Pirates of the Caribbean. Initially the crew tried to play the pirate bit down since it detracts from their primary focus, but with every second kid asking, “Are you a pirate,” they eventually relented. Now replying in character, they answer along these lines, “Aaaargh, yeah, but my teeth hurt, I’m poor, wretched, hate life and am, I suppose, quite insane.” It makes the point.
A romantic concept, yes, but can anyone say that the sight of a stack of sails on the horizon hasn’t made the blood course through their veins? Most landlubbers have probably dreamed of spending time on a tall ship, “with a star to steer her by.” Be warned though, it’s a double-barreled canon to be sure, to be sure.
Having lived an adventurous life on two sides of the planet, I figured I had pretty much covered the most abominable pastimes in the last twenty years, but this experience easily ranks as one of the most demanding. It’s not any single factor that makes it so, but a combination of all. The motion, the close living, the elements, the physical demands all work together. An iron will and a strong back will only get you halfway there. You need a big heart, a keen wit and a platinum stomach to boot.
That said, sitting below deck feeling decidedly green around the gills, with water draining down your neck and your back jammed into a corner as the mixed odor of both galley and head waft by, you will know that you have arrived at the essence of it all as the Captain begins to sing an old sailing ditty. Clearly not for timid ears, the throaty support of all hands below decks will add volume as everyone sits crammed in next to each other. With eyes roving from canvas britches to metal spikes, from beards to bandanas, you might suddenly realized why people did this long ago. And why they still volunteer to do so today.
A tall ship takes a wide range of characters and personalities, throws in her own peculiar traits and quirks, adds a dose of hardship, discipline, lore and nature, and then forges one of the most quintessential expressions of life available anywhere. Make no mistake, a step off the ship and into port is a longed-for respite by all, but it is without doubt a walk into a less heady, more sense-depleted atmosphere. Life is full and hard and vibrant aboard a tall ship. Although a massage would be darn nice, you really don’t want a paraglide or an elephant ride.
A Crew Wanted ad captures the sentiment: Do you have a Marline Spike? Do you remember how to do a round seizing, rose lashing, or eye splice? If so, Lady Washington needs you. A combination bowsprit re-rig, and rig-tune will be kicking into full gear. If you have a spare selvagee, chain fall, come along…or you can just sit at home.
Tall Ship Life
As the ship rounded Point Conception north of Santa Barbara—also known as the Cape Horn of the West Coast, it bounced into strong winds and a toilet bowl sea at 02:00 hours. That might be 2 am. The motion threw the First Mate out of his bunk. He didn’t fall out—he was flipped out, quite effortlessly, with what appeared to be an invisible demon-like power. His fingers just caught the rim of the bunk as he awoke, in the air, traveling now in a downward arc toward a rising ship. Thud!
As he slowly hauled himself back into his bunk, pulled his sleeping bag up to his bearded chin and wedged himself into his own little corner of misery with feet splayed to keep himself there, he did something ridiculous… he smiled, as if to say, There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now. Drifting back into my own bilious slumber I realized—this is tall-ship life.
A few leagues beyond the benign sunrise off Point Arguello—which saw 7 U.S. destroyers run aground during World War II—Lady Love entered Morro Bay harbor with some fanfare. To the appreciation of spectators, mostly dads with little boys, the gunfire from our ceremonial canon blasts reverberated off Morro Rock. With the harbor closed an average of 50 days a year due to huge seas, there was also the crew’s satisfaction at entering one of the west coast’s most dangerous ports of call under sail as opposed to power.
And then there was that feeling; that unbeatable feeling felt by every returning sailor. You have arrived safely thanks to providence, skill and wits. You have lived in and by the elements, and somehow, you’re all the better for the journey.
A lingering memento from the time when the Lady Washington played the leading role in The Pirates of the Caribbean I.
Do you remember how to do a round seizing, rose lashing, or eye splice? If so, Lady Washington needs you. If you have a spare selvagee, chain fall, come along…or you can just sit at home.
Lessons learned: Tall ship sailing is the polar opposite of your average cruise ship experience. It is bare-knuckle sailing, bare-bones living. I constantly felt seasick and couldn’t wait to set foot ashore, but the moment I did, I missed what Lady Love had shown me.
A worthy cause: Grays Harbor in Washington State is the home port of the Lady Washington. They promote tall ship sailing and run programs. The Ecostudies Institute works for the conservation of native species and their ecosystems. Most valuable items: Camera, waterproof jacket and pants. Most useless items: Everything else in my 40 pound bag.
A host of tall ships offer anything from two-week volunteer cruises to a year or more at sea. Google ‘tall ship’ and begin the search. A ‘birth’ on The Lady Washington for a non-working passenger sets you back in the region of a couple of hundred dollars a night and a working volunteer pays upward of a thousand bucks, all inclusive, for two weeks of ‘crewing vacation.’ The Lady Washington often sails with the Hawaiian Chieftain which accompanied us on this voyage. The two partake in gun battles at various ports of call with paying passengers aboard. Being newcomer-friendly, nobody is killed.
The experience is carefully planned to cater for the inexperienced. Everything you need to know is taught as you go. The atmosphere is friendly but businesslike. All you need is a sense of adventure, a little courage and bucketful of seasickness tablets.
Some tall ships focus on sail training and cruising alone, while others, such as the Lady Washington, sail from port to port and focus on hosting school trips at these. Most crews are volunteers—some have made it their annual vacation for ten to fifteen years. All are consummate professionals.
